Aslee Simpson Fights Back-- Size zero story a lie

according to Ashlee's blog:

Today I read on a blog that I went to the doctor and he said I was overweight and I cried and went to Planet Blue (because I was blue) and bought 6 pair of size 0 jeans. Now it is ridiculous to read such nonsense about oneself so I thought I would address this one... 1. My doctor says I am right on target with my weight gain 2. Have not been to Planet Blue in at least two years 3. Love my maternity jeans ..they have stretchy tops it is awesome! 4. My closet full of size 0's are being worn by Pete right now and he looks hot in them :) So now that I have cleared that up let me tell you...carrying a child is the most inspiring, emotional, amazing experience of my life. My weight and my pant size are the absolute last thing I am concerned about. I am only concerned with having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. People who talk and judge pregnant women's weight need to get a life!!! Peace and Love, Ashlee

I'm glad to see that she's way more down to earth than the tabloids make her out to be. Good for her.

Ashley Simpson Buys Size Zero Jeans to Inspire Weight Loss After Birth

Ashley Simpson, who is expecting her baby in October, freaked out when she found out how much weight she gained. Apparently, according to the National Enquirer "She went straight to the Planet Blue shop in Los Angeles and bought six pairs of size zero jeans. She can't wear them now, but she hopes it will give her the incentive to watch what she eats."

Wow, that's a lot of money for clothes that aren't even your size. A size zero? does she want to disappear? That makes me feel so sad. So many people feel so pressured to sacrifice their health for the sake of thinness.

God I'm lonely...

does that sound weird? It's true. Sometimes I feel just so damn lonely, like no one will ever love me. And that D.H, my last boyfriend, will actually be my last boyfriend. After he dumped me, I didn't leave my bed for 2 weeks. I just laid there smoking menthol cigarettes, drinking coffee (after making it a little Irish) and watched the Young and the Restless. Because I'm always feeling so young, yet old, and restless, yet lazy. I know that this is a weight loss blog, but I have to say, since my eating has become more normal, all the feelings that I've been hiding with food have been coming to the surface. Especially loneliness. especially night loneliness. I used to eat at night. A pizza, some oreo cookie ice cream, take-away (i'm so british) or whatever. anyway, now i'm not doing that some i'm alone with my thoughts and feelings. And my thoughts and feelings hurt. they really hurt. but somehow, i don't want to eat. I guess i'll just blog. I need to talk more about this, but not now. now it's enough to just tell you i'm lonely.

Holy Crap- Honey! Who knew?

So, I had a weird thing happen today. I was standing in the kitchen, with my exercise clothes on, ready to go out to take a run. I hate to run... but I'm trying to learn to like it. Anyway, my roommate's jar of honey was just sitting there on the counter and without thinking about it, I opened the jar, stuck a spoon it and ate a gigantic spoonful of it. Straight. And then I stuck the spoon in and did it again. Whoah. That was weird. I don't eat honey ever. I don't even put it in my tea. Hell I don't even drink tea, just coffee with equal or splenda. Anyway... I jumped back when I realized what I was doing and put the jar back on the honey jar and ran out of the house for my run. Okay, so now here's where it got weird. I had the best run of my whole entire life. I ran for about 45 whole minutes without stopping even once! Then when I got home and clocked my run
I saw that I had run 4 miles! That's like 11 minute miles! I'm in shock! I thought that I couldn't even run a mile in 15 minutes. It was amazing. So then I googled honey for endurance and found out that I'm definitely not the first person to figure this out. Apparently, honey, because it's a lower GI food, has less of an impact on blood sugar, so it's more sustainable than simple sugars.

Apparently, it also helps with cholestrol and diabetes. Whoa.

Here's the weird thing, I think that the hypnosis is definiteley working now, because it tells me to know my body and trust my body to tell me what it needs I've been really trying to ask my body what it needs, but this time, I didn't even ask, it just kind of took over. I think that my brain is really changing, it's weird. That's the only way I can describe it. I guess my body knew that I needed honey for a run. I mean it makes sense, lots of people eat those things, like GU and gel which seems so gross to me, but I think that they are just like shots of sugar that give you a burst when you're exercising. It makes sense, I mean when you exercise, you burn carbs, so when your carbs are burned up, you start burning fat. That's why low carb diets make you lose fat so quickly. But that's also why exercising is HELL on a low-no carb diet. I'm eating moderate carbs these days I think. Maybe I'm not losing weight as fast as I want to, but I'm feeling so much happier and healthier and more relaxed than when I did no carb diets in the past.

Hayden Panettiere is my bikini inspiration

I'm not saying that I'm a celebrity or anything, but of all the celeb bods, I like hers the best. First off, she's the same height as me (5 feet tall). Second of, she's muscular, not bony. Third off, she still manages to be curvy.

Weigh In Day Today...

So, I weighed in this morning and I'm down to 187. So, it's been 22 days since I've been doing the Think and Shrink program and I'm down a total of 10 pounds. Though, maybe 3 don't really count because of the giant binge that I had the night before I started.
I know that this is weird because being down 2 pounds in a week is a good thing, but for some reason, I was hoping that it would be more. I don't want to get into that thinking though because I did the hypnosis to make peace with food, not to become obsessed. In many ways, I think it's working because I feel like it's okay for me to leave food on the plate. I know that I can eat more later. Also, I like that when I'm amped up, I can do a hypnosis session and come out of it feeling so much calmer. I haven't done the speeding metabolism hypnosis a lot, but I was thinking that I might start to try that one a little more. I do feel calm more often. One of the really great things about the think & shrink thing that I forgot to mention is that I've become obsessed with exercise. Especially spinning and pilates. I've taken like 6 spin classes in the last 22 days and like 4 pilates clasess. So I love that. It makes me feel strong.

Spin Class Sucks

I went to spin class and he was there again. Only this time, he was there without her.

I hate him. He makes me sick.

okay. that's not true completely.

He is the ex. I think he's stalking me. I saw him for the first time in 2 years a couple of weeks ago at spin class, he was there with his new girlfriend. I knew that we went to the same gym, I mean we joined together, but, well, I haven't gone in years, just been paying. But for some reason I either forgot or didn't think about the fact that it was his gym. And I certainly didn't think that I'd see him at a Thursday night spin class with a teenage girl a few weeks ago. That sucked. That freaking sucked. Anyway I was really depressed. And then he called me and told me that I looked good and that he missed me.

Oh jeez. I can't talk about it right now. It makes me depressed. It makes me want to eat a bowl of pasta.

I'm gonna go and listen to the long version on the think & shrink cd. It always calms me down. I'll tell more of this story tomorrow.

Britney Spears is skinny Again

According to Britney: "I'm the healthiest I've been all my life," Britney, 26, tells OK!. "My diet has a lot to do with my getting into shape. I have no sugar. I don't eat fruit or even fruit juice because of the sugar. I eat chicken and salmon and rice. I eat avocados. I'll have egg whites for breakfast and sometimes turkey burgers for lunch. I try to do just 1,200 calories a day. It may sound like it's not much, but it's actually a lot of food if you eat the right things..."

It sounds like she's doing low carb, except the rice. Weird. I don't know why you'd eat rice but no fruit. Rice is pretty nutritionally void, especially white rice. An apple or orange would be healthier. I know from experience that restricting like this always winds up having a binge in the back that's twice as big. The hypnosis is really helping the idea of moderation to feel a bit more comfortable these days.

Boy, people are really mad at Jennifer Love Hewitt

OMG, her weight is sooooo scrutinized, more so than anyone else. Last Christmas, when those pictures came out about her butt cellulite, people were all over her about how gross she was. But she stood behind her butt and said "I'm a size 2, that's not big!" Which is true. She's gorgeous, she just has a booty, like women of child bearing age are supposed to! Then, now she lost supposedly 18 pounds according to US magazine. But now people are up in arms. I feel so bad for her. She's human. I mean, girls who get made fun of in school for having a big butt become anorexic (like my sister did) so imagine having the WHOLE WORLD talking about your butt. It would be impossible not to do something. Not that she had to, she's gorgeous, but she's human, so I'm sure that she felt that she'd feel better if she striked back.

Leryn Franco-- I'm both in awe and confused...

Jesus. This woman is build like a brick sh*t house. The weird thing about her is that she's not only an athlete but an extreme sex symbol. She qualified (just barely) for the olympics, but she's not necessarily revered for her Javelinesque prowess, she's all over the place for having been in Playboy and appearing topless in some calendar. I believe that everyone should have the choice to do and act in any way that they feel serves them best. And I'm not puritanical or anything and I wouldn't go on a rampage about the purity of the Olympics vs. the raunchiness of being a topless model.
But yet... I can't help but feel somehow disappointed about this. I'm not sure why. I've never felt this way about Gabrielle Reece. She always seemed just athletic and strong. I think that my feelings about Leryn are more about the feminist issue of it. On one level, she seems so strong and amazing but then, she somehow becomes this object by posing so provocatively. It feels confusing, like it's not okay to be strong and feminine at the same time. This isn't a judgment against Leryn or her choices, but it's really just the way I feel about it. Confused. I guess that the media does that to women. A lot.

Weird Day

So, I woke up today and decided that I needed to get a job. I know I know. I've been unemployed for a while, as school has been taking up most of my time, but I decided that working at a coffee shop might be a good thing. I've always been obsessed with Cafe culture, ever since I saw Dreams for an Insomiac. I feel like I must have only been like 12 or 13 when I saw it with my sister. It made me want to grow up and move to Seattle and work in a coffee house. Sometimes I still fantasize about it. Like I'll be working there in my impossibly cute black apron, with my hair pulled back but falling down in tendrils, smoking cigarettes (I don't smoke) while I stand behind the counter reading through my boyfriend (who also works there) his script. Then i give people dirty looks and coffee haphazardly and I'm an impossible hipster who everyone hates because they're so jealous. How come hipsters are always so skinny? I guess it's so they can fit into those skinny jeans. Anyway, so I went to this coffee house to apply for a job and the dreamy but asshole-ish boy behind the counter wouldn't even give me an application. He kind of stared at me in a "you're not cool enough to even fill out an application," way. But he just said, "we're not hiring." And then I stood there stammering and asked if I could fill out an application for them to have on file. He shook his head and said, "there's none left." I still didn't move, just stood there, and he actually walked away over to the cappuccino machine and started cleaning it. I felt so rejected. In this really intense way. Not just cause of the job thing, but because, I don't know. He made me feel like I'm a piece of crap, not worthy of being polite to. It upset me a lot. It happens sometimes I guess.

Still thinking about the boy...

I wish that there was hypnosis to take the ex out of my head. Just the "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind..." Or whatever it's called. I wonder why they put Jim Carey in a movie with Kate Winslet. I really like Kate Winslet. She's pretty great.

Annoying spin teacher pisses me off.

First the good news. I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm down to 189!!!!!!! Yeeeeeeeeah Boeeeeyyyy. (that's my attempt to be cool. did it work?)

I went to a spin class this morning with the most annoying teacher ever. He kept playing this really loud club music and madonna mixes and seemed really disengaged with the class. He didn't even jump on a bike or talk into a mike. He just kind of looked at his watch every few minutes and said: "up." "down." "more resistance." "less resistance." and never even came by to check on everyone. What he mostly did was dance in front of the mirror and practice his moves while flexing his muscles at himself and also he at one point squeezed a blackhead from his nose. There were about 30 people in the studio. It was literally the most annoying class ever. He was supposed to teach a pilates class after but I was all "Later Gator..."
yesterday I didn't work out. I chose not to but I felt really bad about it. I had to force myself not to go to the gym. The hypnosis is really working. It's kind of freaking me out.

Boys Will Be Boys

He called me tonight.

I


AM


IN


SHOCK


He said that he missed me and wanted to see what I was up to. Also that I was looking good. I was totally annoyed, but also really nervous and freaked out and I don't want to admit it, totally excited to hear from him. I can't stop thinking about him after seeing him with that little twit the other night. I don't know how to make this pain go away. I feel so traumatized. And so elated. How does that happen?

spinning today, heartbreak tomorrow

It's worse than you might imagine. No, it's worse than you can possibly imagine even if you might imagine the worse.
I went to another spin class. Another spin class.

who do i see at my spin class?


my ex.


let's call him Hasselhoff. Because he's hairy and cheesy and thinks he's larger than life. Anyway, the hoff was there with his girlfriend. Let's call her Tina. Because that's her name. Tina. Tina. Tina.

Tina is, oh, I don't know, 18 years old? And weighs, oh I don't know 85 pounds!? Anyway, they were there TOGETHER. In MY spin class. The Hoff saw me, and I think that he might have whispered something to her because she looked at me in that way when you're pretending not to look, you know, when someone says, "OMG, my ex is right behind you, don't look." And then they pretend that they're looking at the clock? Yeah. That's the look I get. And then she smiled. Not a smile at me. And not a smile at anyone really. It was a smile of smug satisfaction. One that says "i am thinner, younger, and prettier than her...."
biotch.

My instinct was to leave, but I stayed through the whole thing, but then hopped off really quickly at the end and ran to my car without showering or pulling my bike away. I'm kind of freaking out now. I wonder what I should do. I can't go back. But where will I go to work out. AHHHHHHHHH.

Oh. I know. I'll change gyms. That's what I'll do. I'll change gyms.

There's a part in me that wants to eat over this, but I really think that the hypnosis program is working because I don't feel like it's overwhelming. I feel like I can ride this out. Maybe a glass of wine, a bubble bath and my sex & the city season 6 dvd? I think that might help.

Metabolism?

There's this one download in the think & shrink collection that's supposed to speed your metabolism and lower your set-point. I tried it tonight, but I think that I should have waited till the morning. No one wants your metabolism sped up at night, when i'm trying to fall asleep. Grrr... I think I'll listen to the long one, it's relaxing and will help me sleep. Ultimately, I'd love to have a body like Hayden Panettiere. She's the same height as me and not a skinny minnie, definitely built strong. I think she's pretty awesome. I don't know that it will happen as I don't have her time or the money for personal training. But I can get close I think. I really liked the pilates class I did. I think I'm going to get a DVD for home.
Today I discovered fitday (www.fitday.com) I plugged in my food and then looked up the nutrition to see if I was getting all my daily needs. Not quite, but I'm aiming for that. I'm not into counting calories though, that can make me crazy, but I'm impressed by my ability to hit the nutrition.

Saturday morning- did a spin class

So, I decided to go to spin class today. I'd never done it before, but I've been hearing about it forever. My teacher was, I dunno, 4 foot 10 and weighed maybe 85 pounds. She was this tiny little thing but she had these bulging muscles everywhere and she kept on yelling at everyone. She even came up to people and upped their resistance. Thank goodness she didn't do it to me. I might have a girl-crush on her. I also did a pilates class at the gym. It took me by surprise, I never have done pilates before, but it's really simple movements, but definitely effective, I'm kind of achey all over. I never realized all these crazy classes at my gym. There's one called pump 'n dump! I think I'll try that one out. I went to Whole Foods after and bought grass fed beef for dinner and also a bunch of interesting mushrooms. I'm kind of nervous to cook steak and all sorts of crazy looking mushrooms and also some mesclun. I thought it was a 70s drug, but then I learned that that's mescaline. Big difference.

Day 6-- WOW WOW WOW!!!!-- 192 pounds.

So far so good. I weighed in today and I'm down 5 pounds!
Things have been generally good. yesterday my sister told me that the hypnosis kind of sneaks up on you. I was feeling kind of down because I didn't feel like anything dramatic happened. I've dieted before, and I've felt skinny quickly, like after a few days, but I usually do these starvation diets that can last anywhere up to a month, and after a few days I begin to feel so light and so thin and so joyful in a way, but I think it might partially be endorphins from not eating ie: anorexia!? But I haven't been feeling that way. Which I guess is good, but I like that feeling, albeit not healthy. Anyway, I know that I've been eating but eating well, and definitely not binge eating.
I've exercised 3 days this week. I even went to a spin class (my butt hurts). So, basically I think that I'm eating and exercising... well, normally! That's weird. Anyway, I weighed in this morning and I am down. I think that the slow progress is what makes it last. I hope. Anyway, more to be revealed I guess.
In other news, there are now weight loss programs for cats! Who woulda thunk.

Day 1 -- REALLY NOW--- 197 pounds

So, realizing that I was going to start my diet today, I decided to do a little damage last night in the form of a pint of Ben & Jerry's Heath Bar Crunch, a bacon burger with french fries, and a late night snack of some nachos. I know, I know... it's gross. But it's my last time...

I listened to the first recording today... I actually really liked it. I felt really relaxed, and when I woke up, I felt like I was motivated to eat healthy. The directions say that you only have to listen to the recording once a week, there's also a 15 minute recording and it says to listen to that every day.

We'll see. For breakfast I had two scrambled eggs, a banana and a slice of whole wheat toast. I didn't even finish my eggs, and I'm not really hungry for lunch yet. Maybe I'll go out for a walk over to my sisters place to play with the kids.

Day 1-- 194 Pounds

Hi. My name is Lila. I am 24, a student at the University of Minnesota and I have 80 pounds to lose. At 5'0, I have the body of a beautiful round apple, with little legs coming out. Sometimes I think that I look a little like the fruit of the loom guy. Anyway, my sister Adeline did hypnotherapy and lost like 15 pounds in a month. I called to make an appointment, but apparently it's $200 per session. So, instead I downloaded this program to help me. It's only $39.95. We'll see if it works.

Addie has always been blessed as a skinny girl and I've always been the fat one. She gained weight after having my nieces. I gained weight after having life. I don't have kids, or a husband, or a boyfriend, but one thing at a time really. I'm hoping to lose 10 pounds a month for the next 8 months, which will get me to my goal by next spring, in time for my graduation!

I've done every diet. Every diet. Weight Watchers, Atkins, Stillman, Nutri-System, Jenny Craig... all of them. I know everything about nutrition, but nothing seems to fit. I'm hoping that the think and shrink program can help me. It's not a diet, but I guess it makes your brain feel different about food.