Saturday, February 14, 2009

Do they just think that us women of size hate ourselves that much?

I am livid. LIVID!!!!!!! I entered a sweepstakes to win a $1000 giftcard from  a plus sized clothing store called Silhouettes. Then I went to the store and found that the models were TINY. Why, why, why, why, why would they use tiny models to sell clothes to women of size? That's just insulting. And I don't mean tiny as in size 12 or size 14, but I mean tiny like size 2 or 4. I'm totally outraged and upset. Do they think that we don't like to look at ourselves? That we think that there is something wrong with us? So we need a mirror that's someone half our size? It's not cool. It makes me so angry. 
The need or the idea that to be thin is to be happy or perfect is like a virus that's infected  this whole country. People need to be cured of this virus. Myself included. I'm not saying that I want to be unhealthy, I want to be healthy but not just physically, mentally too, so if I'm fit and healthy and still a size 18, I can still love myself and look at myself lovingly in the mirror, not look at what I might be or what I should be. I'm totally mad. 

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Most Delicious Soup

I invented soup tonight. I call it soup. I dunno. I didn't come up with a name for it.
First I steamed the fuck out of a head of cauliflower and a big old broccoli stalk, then, when it was all falling apart, I put them in the blender with 2 cups of unsweetened almond milk. I then put in a bunch of raw garlic cloves and some salt. It was way, way too garlicy, so I added another two cups of water and cooked it to relax the garlic and added all the broccoli and the califlower pieces and cooked it and it is yummy. All full of vitamins and protein from the almond milk and fiber. Yay! Soup soup soup. I love soup. I'm trying to learn how to cook, but I can't follow a recipe, never have been able to, so I'm just experimenting. Kind of fun.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

25 Random Facts About Me

For fun. 

1.)My mom almost named me Jane Lila instead of Lila Jane, but decided at the last minute to switch it, to my Dad's surprise- literally she gave the name to the doctor for my birth certificate!

2.)I started smoking cigarettes when I was 12 and quit when I was 22. I hate cigarettes. but i miss them.

3.)My kittens aren't really mine, they're my roommates, but they like me better. 

4.)My favorite food is guacamole, but I hate plain avocados. 

5.)My favorite word is conjunctivitis. 

6.)I did lots of drugs to try and lose weight. It didn't work. 

7.)Red Bull & Vodka is my drink of choice.

8.)I only need two to be drunk.

9.)I was born without toenails on my left foot. 

10.)I wish I could make flossing a habit. 

11.)I'm not sure that I've ever been in love, if it's love that I've been in, I've been in love like 14 times. 

12.)I'm afraid of serial killers. 

13.)My computer's name is Ermintrude.

14.)My vagina doesn't have a name.

15.)I am obsessed with Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn. Maybe that's why I've always been obsessed with being skinny.

16.)I've never been skinny.

17.)I want to be famous. 

18.)I don't know what I want to be famous for. 

19.)I want to have a baby, but I'm afraid that no one will ever marry me. 

20.)I don't put pictures of myself on the internet or facebook or anything because I am insecure about the way I look. 

21.)I paint the toenails on my right foot and my toes on my left. 

22.)I am hoping to move to New York City after I graduate. 

23.)I get obsessed with men who kiss me. I try not to, it's damaging. It hurts really badly. But I can't help it. 

24.)I still sleep with the same teddy bear that I have slept with since I was a baby.

25.)I never understood cheesecake. I love cheese, and cake too, but the two don't mix for me. I guess that I'm weird because most everyone goes crazy for the cheesecake factory. 

Friday, February 6, 2009

Soup, Orange Juice, Etc...

Oh my god. I'm sick again. I can't believe it. This semester I'm student teaching and those kids. Oh those kids, they are a sess pool of germs. Again, I kind of like being sick. It gives me time to do nothing. I don't study, I don't work, I don't go to class, I just sit in bed, watch Oprah, drink juice and be gleefully pathetic. The kittens are all cuddled up next to me. 

Weight wise, my loss has slowed down quite a bit. I haven't gone up, though I haven't gone down. My weight is stabilizing, though stabilizing at 40 pounds overweight. I started off doing the think and shrink program at 197 pounds and now I'm down to 160 pounds. That's about 37 pounds without trying.  I am a hair under 5 feet tall, so 120 pounds is not a low weight for me to aim for. In fact, it's fine. I think that the last 40 pounds might need a little extra muscle. A little push. Maybe some good old fashioned calorie counting. Though I'm nervous that I'll get into eating disorder mentality if I do that. Maybe just continue the mindful eating but work out a little more. I'm not sure how to go about it. One thing I know is that in the past, dieting hasn't worked. I lost almost 40 pounds without dieting. Maybe I just need to be more patient now.