Weighed today...

I didn't want to step on the scale this morning, but I did and my weight is down to 182 pounds! Holy Moly. That's 15 whole pounds that I've lost. I feel a little nervous about the scale though, like I don't want to continue to use it because I don't want it to dictate how I feel about myself. I don't know if that makes sense. But sometimes, I feel like it tells me whether or not I'm allowed to be happy for the day. What if I were to step on it and it said 183. Would I be depressed? I can tell you right now that I would be. I think that I'm gonna try to not weigh myself every day, but only when I feel like I've lose weight. Only when I feel thinner. That way, I can try to train myself out of using the scale and into trusting and loving myself. Went for a run this morning. That was good. I also painted my toenails and washed my hair and flossed my teeth. It made me feel more clean and more beautiful. It's a really beautiful day out today. I'm suposed to go to the last barbecue of the season. Today is the last official day of summer so my friend Julie is having a last official day of summer barbecue. Love it. It's easy to spend time at her place because she always stockss stuff like garden burgers and fruit salads and humus and veggies and all sorts of healthy stuff. She's one of those naturally thin people who's never been fat, never had an eating disorder and totally loves her body. She goes hiking and swimming and is full of muscles and long, lean and always calm. Sometimes I want to be her.