Thursday, September 11, 2008

Party Time...

Oh it's that time of year when parties galore happen. It's all about fall and pumpkins and beer and warm fresh donuts and all that. I just left a party. I just didn't want to be there. It's rainy and yucky out and I have no desire to sit around drinking and eating and then trying to get home. And I saw the boy. Oh him. He makes me so miserable. If I had any appetite that the hypnosis hasn't taken away yet, then he definitely did. Because I got totally nauseous when I saw him. I was lingering near the chip bowl. Pondering. I didn't have any chips. I saw him walk in. He was alone. It sucked. He walked right over to Jemma, a girl he dated after we broke up. He glanced over at me and I suddenly felt totally stupid. I wasn't talking to anyone. I was just standing there over the dumb chips. Suddenly I didn't feel as confident as I'd been feeling. I felt totally fat. My thighs were like 850 pounds each and as I backed away from the chip bowl, I felt them rubbing together, the friction feeling painful, wondering if I had a heat rash. I felt like a mac truck backing up and wondered if I should say "beep-beep-beep..." And that's when I left. I didn't even say goodbye to Iris, my friend who I came with. I just left her there. I'm home now. I'm trying to relax, breathe, think good thoughts about myself...

2 comments:

Sara said...

Hi Lila-

I saw your comment back on the Lowcarber Forums in the Protein Power section and thought I would stop by your blog to say hello. I also want to say that I can totally relate to your situation--AND don't let some stupid guy dictate how you feel about yourself--you are doing great!! Anyway, if you want to visit my blog (I have several) you are very welcome--I am starting a new one called Paleo Princess, and would love to have visitors!! --Sara

lila said...

Hi Sara,

Thanks so much for your comment and for checking in with me! i look forward to seeing your blog.