Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Latkes of Fun!

It's nine degrees out. That's almost no degrees. Imagine that. Barely any degrees. Last night I went to a latke party. Imagine, a party that centered around deep fried potatoes. I wish that I'd taken pictures. Erin made piles and piles and piles of latkes and had different latke stations. There was a south western latke station-- these were sweet potato latkes served with black bean dip, salsa and cilantro dip. An chinese latke station with soy sauce/ green onion dip. An Indian latke station where the latkes were curry flavored and there was mango chutney other kinds of chutneys. An mid eastern latke station with humus and tahini and babaganoush. And finally a plain old latke station with sour cream and apple sauce. She also had made Manishevitz Sangria. It was delicious. I was really, really, really nervous about going to this party. Holiday parties are tough, but ones that are all about eating the most fattening, artery clogging food ever invented, well that's damn near impossible. I knew that I needed a plan. So, before I went I listened to the think and shrink recording twice, and then I wrote down my plan. I was allowed to have 2 whole latkes and 2 whole drinks. That's all nothing else. If I thought that I was going to be needing more or wanting more, I would walk outside and do some deep breathing and see myself at my goal weight, see myself feeling healthy and fitting into a bikini next summer. I also made a goal of talking to five new people. I also called my sister ahead of time and let her know my plan so she told me that she'd be available by phone all night if I needed her. She even sent me several texts with encouraging messages, like "you are healthy and strong!" "your deserve a healthy body" "you know how to eat normally!" The party was fine. I stuck to my plan. I wanted to try all the latkes so I cut them in half and wound up trying four different kinds. I forwent the chinese latkes deciding that those weren't as interesting as the others. Anyway, the party went totally well. I didn't need to leave once, having the plan worked well. I made lots of conversation and talked to people who I hadn't ever met before. It was great. The other thing is that it certainly didn't hurt that Erin and Rob and Jessica and Lisa and Steve and Ashely all pulled me aside and told me how great I looked and asked me how much weight I'd lost. It was pretty aweseome. I felt so pretty too. I was wearing a new pair of jeans and this very pretty satiny flowy red blouse. I was shocked but when I went shopping, I was actually down 4 sizes! I couldn't believe it. I think that feeling pretty and getting all those compliments definitely helped. I know that I'm still 50 pounds overweight, but feeling pretty is such an amazing help for my mood. I think that I need to spend more time doing things that make me feel pretty, like tweezing my brows, shaving my legs, giving myself manicures and pedicures and putting on lipstick. Feeling pretty helps me to feel happy, healthy, and worthy. It makes me feel like I'm worthy of love and attention. Before, when I was binge eating, I didn't feel worthy. I hid in big clothes and didn't care for my body and didn't do things like dress pretty or do my nails or anything. Now, I spend more time trying to do those things. It's all connected somehow, binge eating, a sense of worthiness and self care. I think that when I don't feel good about myself, I binge eat, when I binge eat, I feel worse about myself, when I feel worse about myself, I binge eat again. It's a vicious cycle. The only way to deal with it is to actually PULL myself out of it, kicking and screaming. It's hard, but it's possible. If I do lapse and have a binge, I have to remember that my body deserves love. This has been very helpful with the hypnosis downloads. I have to remember that I am worth taking care of, even if I mess up sometimes -- hey, I'm human! I can feel pretty and be happy and take care of myself even if I am 50 pounds overweight. None of that matters, it's what I feel on the inside. Of course I've heard this before, but I'm somehow actually beginning to feel it now.


A True Heart Girl in Jersey said...

You my dear are getting it! Wow, what an inspirational read that was. You planned, you had support, you came out ahead of your old self a real winner! Look at you! Your posts make me smile. And you are right, it IS like living inside a snow globe! Where in the heck are you that it is 9 degrees!? That is too cold for it to snow!

Graciela said...

Hello Lila...I am admiring you so much right now. Both aspects of your post were so inspiring...the planning on how you were going to handle the party, and then the realization that you need to take care of yourself by doing things for yourself. You're so young, yet you are already developing an awareness of some things that it has taken me until the advanced age of 55 to learn. P.S. We have had 10 inches of snow in Seattle today. All the roads are blocked, so I couldn't get into work this morning. I spent the day decorating my Christmas tree and snuggling on the couch with my little dog. I think I'm in HEAVEN!!