I truly love Autumn

I don't know why, but it's always been my favorite time of year. There's something so comforting and cozy about it, with the holidays coming, and everything beginning to hibernate. I love the trees changing colors, I love weather changing, I love it all.

Things have been pretty good. In terms of dating, well... I didn't quite make my quota of ten dates this summer. I decided to take a little break from internet dating. After the fourth, I began to feel... I don't know. Lonely I think. It's really hard to sit there with someone who doesn't know me, and I have this belief that I have to impress them, or put my best foot forward. It's too much. I don't want to have to impress anyone, and I don't want to put myself out there for judgement, I just want to be myself. A person I feel good about when I'm not on internet dates. So, for now, I'm on an internet dating hiatus and just concentrating on other things.

As for my other goals for the summer, I never made it to running 10 miles, but I've gotten up to seven! I only did that once, but I've been doing around 3-4 miles 5 days a week and I love it. My body feels strong and healthy. As of Sunday morning, I'm down to 135 pounds! That's 62- count em 62 pounds in 15 months! I can't believe it. Oddly enough, my bmi still says I'm overweight, I have to be 128 pounds before my bmi becomes an even 25-- normal weight. But, I'm not going to put too much faith in the bmi, there is so much criticism of it anyway. I like my body. I've been this small before, like those days when I wasn't eating any carbs, or the days when I was just eating lettuce, but before, I got down here not in 15 months, but in like 2 or 3 months by doing extreme things and as soon as I stopped, I'd balloon up again. It just wasn't sustainable, but this feels sustainable.

People treat me differently. I fucking hate that. My sister says that I carry myself differently and that's why people treat me differently. I don't know if that's 100% true. I think it might be half true. The other problem is that a lot of my friends from last year, aren't really hanging around much anymore. I can talk about that more later, but a girlfriend of mine said that since I lost weight, I've been really stuck up. It made me cry. I really try to never be mean or stuck up. But then, I notice that I have other people (girls) being interested in being friends with me. That's the other weird thing about losing weight, I thought I'd get more male attention, but instead I'm getting more female attention. Women in my classes who didn't really talk to me before are asking me to coffee, wanting to hang out, inviting me to parties, it's odd. Some come right out and ask me "how I did it," but others, it's just inexplicable. It's like I'm someone completely new who they want to meet. Hello, I've been here all along!

As far as buying a pair of designer jeans, I did go to the store and try on a pair of 7s and a pair of True Religion. I decided that I can't digest paying $200 for a pair of jeans. It makes no sense in my world and those jeans weren't really anymore cute than my hand-me-down Levis from the goodwill. So, it is what it is.