So I went to my first holiday party yesterday. This morning I woke up with what feels like a cold. It was the party of my supervisor, who I also assist. She has this gigantic warm, beautiful house and a beautiful husband and 3 perfect children. This party was catered by these organic gourmets. It was just beautiful. But sometimes... when I go to these perfect parties, with perfect people, and perfect food... I can feel really, really lonely. I bought a new dress for the party in a size that I haven't been in 4 years. I felt so beautiful in it. But then when I got to the party, I was faced with the reality of "You're still fat. You're still more than 50 pounds overweight." And those 50 pounds were weighing me down. I looked at my arms, which looked like big stuffed sausages poking out from the petite spaghetti straps that I was wearing. I saw the belly, that was definitely NOT managed by my spanx (spanx is no miracle). And everyone there was wearing these beautiful dresses and impossibly slim. I felt gross. I came home last night feeling lonelier than ever. The party itself was nice. I didn't overeat and I met nice people. It was inocuous and my supervisor introduced me proudly to all her friends. But inside, I felt a wreck.
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1 comment:
spanx sucks sweetie. but you know as well as i do that we're our own worst critic. look at me...this weekend i felt i looked like a person with leprosy but i got a date with a handsome man! i couldn't believe it. and that's the key....when we start to believe in ourselves, the rest will come and stay. at least you went, you're putting yourself out there in social settings. pat yourself on the back for getting through it. :-)
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