Thursday, April 23, 2009

What I've Been Eating Lately

Lots of beer. But not in a depressed, mopey, alcoholic way, more in a drowning my sorrows with my girls. Things have been pretty bad between me and my roommate-- ever since her brother dumped me. He told her that I was obsessive and clingy. 

I just might be. 

When it comes to men, I fall in love really quickly. And when they pay attention to me, I eat it, no I fucking devour it. When I fall in love, I don't eat. I don't need to eat. I just obsess on the other. On what he's doing, on what he's thinking, on what he needs. My therapist said that I reject myself first. And that's how I lose myself. before I give anyone else the opportunity to know the real me. She said that I do that with food too. That I leave myself and binge on food and then no one is minding the store.  That's why I lose so much weight when I'm dating someone. I replace food with sex.  I'm trying to figure out how to me more with me. 

2 comments:

A True Heart Girl in Jersey said...

Sounds logical to me. Replacement addiction. Knowledge is power Lila. You're gaining more tools to control your life. Sometimes painful, but in the end a benefit.

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